high hopes

Well what do you know? It worked!

I gave up Monty Python to do that work. So clearly I have high hopes for this concept.

It's funny because when I began the whole story thing, way back so long ago at the beginning of the year... I had this thought that I wanted something to do with trees. So obviously, I've spent the last four months NOT making trees, only to find... trees. Lurking.

I haven't quite figured it all out, but I think it has something to do with how you can lose yourself in the fairytale forests in stories. (And then you find yourself at the end). In The Woods is where people (and things) metamorphose, grow and change, where the things happen that they will forever be telling stories of. And also, that a tree itself grows ever out and upward, and can mean so many things to different souls. One tree could be a meeting place for friends, a solitary retreat, a site of heartbreak, just a tree that you walk past on the way to somewhere, the place where a bird sang a new song... (man, where would I be without ellipses? My sentences would have to be complete and coherent.)

Dot dot dot

At church today the theme was prayer, and I confess I was having a great deal of trouble concentrating. This in no way reflects the quality of the sermon, my thoughts were just insisting on dwelling in another place. But one part I do remember, was the statement that if we come to God like the pharisee, as opposed to like the tax collecter (full of confidence rather than humility), all that says is that we don't believe that prayer works. That we don't believe God is listening. But I was thinking about this some more tonight, and I know it was meant as a challenge... But I get why that's hard to believe. Why on earth would a person believe that the giant enormous Creator of the Universe is listening to them complain about their money problems or their back pain? I can understand why people say they don't believe in God. I think sometimes that means they don't believe God believes in them.

I DO believe that I am loved and listened to and cared for. But it is a lot to get your head around. Indeed, I don't know if I ever can or will get my head around it. That's not a bad thing. I do also believe in the ability to know something in your heart and soul without it making sense in your head. Some things are just bigger than that. That's how I feel about God, and about love. The minute I start trying to think of words to describe them, they become these two-dimensional and diminished concepts. There are no adequate words.

Hahaha... I just found myself trying to come up with a analogy to describe how it so defies description.

I guess that's why it easy to "prove" God doesn't exist - it's only words fighting words. Donald Miller wrote that he's given up that whole argumemt, that it's become about who is smarter anyway, and not about God. How true. I am trying to learn that it's okay to be wrong, to be without an answer, to be kind of bad at things. I am learning that it's not my job to know it all already. (Maybe this sounds obvious but I really, really like being right.)

If you read all the way down to here, I heartily commend you, and I hope you feel loved all the way into your heart and soul this week

xox